Am I Allowed?

Why we readily recognize potential in others while discounting what we've already been given.

A powerhouse knows what is theirs to steward—and what must be released.

Powerhouse Signal explores the deeper tensions beneath authority, discernment, meaningful work, and the things we feel called to contribute.

If you’ve built a successful life but find yourself asking deeper questions about purpose, contribution, and what comes next, you’re in the right place.

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Sometimes we assume that the challenge we face when we reach a certain point in our career comes down to either dissatisfaction in our work, lacking meaning, or not moving fast enough.

And we start basing our next decisions on one of those three categories.
Or a mix of all three.

We might decide that the next advancement looks like a title change—usually upward, but some of my clients decide they want to move laterally.

The lateral change is sparked by remembering what used to bring excitement or meaning or fulfilling the thing they never had the opportunity to do because they took the first roles available that defined their trajectory.

Then we fall into not moving fast enough.

We start to recognize that the time we have left is relatively limited. We don’t have our entire career ahead of us, and we still haven’t fully accomplished that bigger thing. In fact, we struggle to know what that bigger thing is, but we know it’s there. In front of us. Waiting.

When I left my corporate role, I knew I no longer wanted to be working in software. Not because there weren’t aspects of it that I didn’t enjoy, but because there was a lingering tug to move in a different direction. One that was more aligned with who I really was, which was not a software engineer.

Honestly, I moved into that purely for the income.

Sure, I told myself that I enjoyed watching the work unfold and having people interact with something I built. I started off in graphic design and digital animation (I wanted to work for Pixar, like everyone else at that time). When I realized the personal cost involved, I moved on to UI, UX, HCI, and web development (I’m beginning to feel old). From there, I took a role in communications, but that wasn’t what I thought it would be, so I took my skills and jumped into front-end development. I was 9 months pregnant at the time, and a bump in salary would support the baby bump I was carrying.

I did well in my role. Not at first, because I had a lot of brushing up to do in skills, but in contribution—ideas that I shared over time.

Maybe it was years of accumulated skills that built up to this moment.

I am not an incredibly outgoing person, but after years working in hospitality, a childhood of acting and dance lessons, and a new reason to succeed, I leaned into my waitress persona and began sharing my ideas. My ability to design or develop interfaces gave me the foot in the door, but it was really my ability to communicate a vision, generate ideas, and think in strategic business terms that pushed me furthest. And that’s what I leveraged to keep moving up the ladder.

It felt gratifying to become the right-hand person to the head of the company. It validated my self-worth and helped me see myself in a different light. Not just the shy girl who listened intently to every conversation, but someone who contributed, made a difference, and was sought out for feedback.

But there came a point when I felt like what I was doing wasn’t enough. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t really me. And if I’m being honest, it wasn’t what I was supposed to be doing. I felt it inside all the time, and I couldn’t ignore it any longer.

Fast forward to me beginning my coaching career. It took me five years to reach the point where I could leave. And still, as much as you prepare for a major exit, you’re never fully ready. Nothing is ever quite as you imagined or goes as smoothly.

And I had a lot of reasons as to why I wanted this change. People asked me all the time: What made you pivot? How did you do it? What gave you the courage?

Confidence is often the thing that most people think is missing.
It’s not. It’s proof.

We look for proof all around us.
To decide that what we are about to do is a sound decision.
That we have the chops, the skills (sometimes with a ‘Z’), and the gumption.

Here’s the thing. I thought I had all of those, most days.
And then there were days where I would panic. I would ruminate. I would second-guess and doubt my sanity.

And I see it with so many people who embark on similar journeys.

Be it moving up, stepping out, or shifting away. Those with bright ideas, big hearts, and real solutions that stop short of making the move.

They think they are making progress, but there is always one more article to write, one more pass on the website, one more tweak to the profile, one more certification to receive.

And that’s why I say it’s not confidence. It’s proof.

Because if we feel justified in our actions, we have all the confidence in the world. The struggle is that we don’t see it clearly in ourselves… not yet.

So they come to me asking for help.
Help with communication. Help with visibility. Help with branding. Help with leadership. Help with mindset.

Those are all good things to continually work on for ourselves, but they’re not the reason you feel unsuccessful, unprepared, or unsure. Those solutions live on the surface, and the reasons and rationale vary from person to person.

There’s a deeper layer still.
A quiet, unspoken feeling that you don’t speak, you barely allow yourself to think, and you definitely don’t ask. And it’s the question that masks itself like Lord Voldemort and never mention its name.

Am I allowed to do this?

This is the question. Not because it’s profound. Not because you’ve never thought it. Because you’ve never thought about it long enough to really analyze it.